QandA: Can I Marry Him?

Sister K. sent the following e-mail:

I have a question and need help on the matter.  I’m a Christian and I’ve been saved for over 20 years.  The guy that I’m dating now has just recently accepted Christ as his Saviour.  We’ve been dating for over a year now.  But, he has an ex-wife and a daughter.  I’ve never been married and I have no children.  Does the KJV Bible say anything about this subject?

First, Sister K., here’s a piece of advice that all of us should take heed to: Find the will of God on an issue before entering into it.  It is much easier to walk away from an opportunity than from a relationship that has been built, and in your case for over a year.  But, be of good cheer for the Word of God does have the answer.

God created a wife for Adam for two dominant, over arching reasons.  The first was for companionship.  The second reason was for being fruitful and multiplying, of course, in the framework of the Word of God.  Divorce, which is a product of sin, lifted its terrible head after the fall.

The issues laid down by Sister K. are as follows:

a.  She is a never-married Christian.

b.  She is dating a man who has just become a born-again Christian.

c.  This gentleman was married and divorced prior (this is a critical factor) to salvation.

d.  He has a daughter with his ex-wife.

e.  Sister K. has no children.

f.  She wants to know what the majority-text Authorized King James Version of the Bible has to say on the subject.

The answer to Sister K.’s question is certainly found in the Bible.  We will lay it out in five points:

1.  Biblically, regarding divorce, the only acceptable grounds for divorce is fornication, which is any form of illicit sex.  These deeds, of course, are acts of unfaithfulness, and they defile the marriage union.  Jesus Christ states in Matthew 5:31-32:

31  It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:

32  But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

2.  His divorce, which was prior to his salvation, regardless of who was at fault, was washed clean by the blood of Christ, expunged from his record, and forgotten by God.  II Corinthians 5:17-21:

17  Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

18  And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;

19  To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.

20  Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.

21  For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

Yet his physical and legal responsibilities such as child support, etc., remain, as well as the spiritual responsibility of attempting to rear his daughter in righteousness.

3.  In regard to the expungement of sin, it must be noted that this is not an allowance to repeat that sin again.  The King of Glory states the following in John 8:3-11:

3  And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,

4  They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.

5  Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?

6  This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.

7  So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

8  And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

9  And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.

10  When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

11  She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

4.  Some have counseled in issues where a man has divorced a wife on grounds other than fornication and married another, that he should annul the second marriage and reinstate the first.  There is no such Biblical directive, but to the contrary, Deuteronomy 24:1-4:

1  When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

2  And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

3  And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;

4  Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

The following passage deals with the condition one is found in upon redemption.  Sister K., it has merit in regard to your situation.  I Corinthians 7:18-24:

18  Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised.

19  Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God.

20  Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.

21  Art thou called being a servant? care not for it: but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather.

22  For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant.

23  Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.

24  Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.

5.  Sister K., this situation is coming to you with serious baggage and needs to be entered into prayerfully.  If this relationship matures into marriage, you will need extra supernatural support.  Although you do not have to fellowship with her, you must love your husband’s ex-wife, and you must love his daughter, guarding against guile and bitterness.  Ephesians 4:31-32:

31  Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

32  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Hebrews 12:15:

Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

Sister K., I would also recommend that you and your friend sit down with a God-fearing pastor for additional direction.  May the face of the Lord shine upon you with light and truth.

 

 

 

References:

Authorized King James Bible

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